I’d like to begin by saying I’m sorry. For a lot of things.
askaloneib was my first account for Tumblr roleplaying, and my second account on Tumblr. I learned a lot from it… not only about roleplaying, but about people and the Tumblr community. So… I’m here to apologize for those I’ve offended through my past actions, and those who I’ve offended by running away so much.
When I first joined, I was fourteen and I was stupid and ignorant to the way Tumblr worked. I did not know what a trigger was. I didn’t tag things appropriately. I’m sincerely sorry for anyone I’ve hurt by roleplaying these kind of subjects.
I wish that someone had told me it was wrong instead of yelling at me about it one day, especially when it was too late to make amends. There is no Tumblr FAQ for these things. This was something I could only learn through experience… and it was a really painful experience, I have to say.
I still think there is nothing wrong with roleplaying triggering material, as long as it is tagged, and you see the line between real life and fantasy. I think it’s fine if it’s under a read more, obscured from the people who would be hurt. At first, I didn’t know how to do these things, but it was tagged appropriately eventually and i put it under a read more. I was never forgiven… I’m sorry I didn’t know I had to do that when I first roleplayed, but I learned.
… I learned a lot more things, such as you shouldn’t tag your roleplays and asks with character and fandom tags. Or you shouldn’t put text posts in there. I just wish I could have learned those things without being yelled at or being sent hate. I wish someone had just been nice to be about it, but that wasn’t a luxury I was granted. They sent me hate, they attacked me and made their friend antagonize me… and I was fourteen. It was confusing and it hurt. Tumblr is a weird place to be when you don’t understand what’s going on.
On top of being stupid, I was depressed and lonely. For the first time in my life, I tasted attention. I found out what it was like to have people worry about me. I became popular because I made a lot of jokes that people found funny. To be honest, I got too popular and I was too young to handle it. I got drunk on followers and… well, I made posts that I shouldn’t have made. I’ll regret that for a long time and I’m sorry for anyone who worried about me.
The truth is, I’m glad. I met a lot of friends who I will always treasure. I found out what it was like to have one of the greatest roleplay partners ever. I found out what it was like to have people laugh at my jokes, and what it was like to hold livestreams! I learned so much from here, and I can safely say that Ib fandom has changed my life… positively.
There’s also a negative side. For the longest time, I hated myself for what I said and what I did. For the longest time I thought I was the worst person alive. Upon reflection, I realize that it’s not true. While the things I did were bad, they were not unforgivable, they were mistakes and I had not been educated on the matter at all.
I think it’s unreasonable that I apologized three times for my mistake and was not forgiven because I “ruined a fandom” for them. I think that calling me toxic wasn’t right, and by saying that, it was enough to make me want to disappear. I think that sending anon hate just because you disagree with someone is uncalled for.
I learned from those experiences, but there was a huge gap between the moment those things occurred and the moment I learned from them. I was miserable for almost an entire year, and I still am, which is why I’m here for closure.
I’m glad I learned from all this… but I’m not happy about the way I learned these things. Some of tumblr isn’t forgiving. Tumblr isn’t the haven people play it out to be. You’ll meet nice people on Tumblr, yes, but you’ll meet people on Tumblr who will do things that makes you miserable.
I think it’s safe to say that I won’t return anymore. This is goodbye!! I hope my message made sense to you! Have a great day!! Stay strong!!!